Quotable Quotes

(useful for email signatures, for instance)

“If a woodchuck could chuck wood then a woodchuck would chuck as much wood as a woodchuck could if a woodchuck could chuck wood.”
- anon

“Do not pray for tasks equal to your powers; pray for powers equal to your tasks.”
- anon

“Don’t eat 100% of your capacity. 80% is good for the person, 20% is good for the doctor.”
- anon

“Those who think that something is impossible should get out of the way of those who are doing it.”
- unknown

A Short History of Medicine
2000 B.C. - "Here, eat this root."
1000 B.C. - "That root is heathen, say this prayer."
1850 A.D. - "That prayer is superstition, drink this potion."
1940 A.D. - "That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill."
1985 A.D. - "That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic."
2000 A.D. - "That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root."
- unknown

“The thing I love most about deadlines is the wonderful WHOOSHing sound they make as they go past.”
- Douglas Adams

“The chief danger in life is that one may take too many precautions.”
- Alfred Adler

“Perhaps the most fitting monument to Ronald Reagan is one that was torn down - the Berlin Wall.”
- Mark Alexander

“When I was born, I was so surprised I couldn’t talk for a year and a half.”
- Gracie Allen

“When I was a boy, my family took great care with our snapshots. We really planned them. We made compositions. We posed in front of expensive cars, homes, that weren’t ours. We borrowed dogs. Almost every family picture taken of us when I was young had a different borrowed dog in it.”
- Richard Avedon

“There is a very fine line between ‘hobby’ and ‘mental illness.’”
- Dave Barry

“The things that don’t exist are the most difficult to get rid of.”
- Marjorie Barstow

“Surfers come in all shapes and sizes, ages, and abilities. They can spend hours in the water and never catch a wave, but they’ll spend the rest of the day with a silly grin from ear to ear.”
- Blankner

“Earth’s crammed with heaven,
And every common bush alive with God;
But only he who sees takes off his shoes;
The rest sit round it and pluck blackberries.”
- Elizabeth Barrett Browning

“The secret to a long life is a lot of laughter and a good cigar now and then.”
- George Burns

“If I’d have taken my doctor’s advice and quit smoking when he advised me to, I wouldn’t have lived to go to his funeral.”
- George Burns

“Sunrises cost nothing, except in lost sleep.”
- Lesley Nelson-Burns

“Beware the leader who bangs the drums of war in order to whip the citizenry into a patriotic fervour, for patriotism is indeed a double-edged sword. It both emboldens the blood, just as it narrows the mind. And when the drums of war have reached a fever pitch and the blood boils with hate and the mind has closed, the leader will have no need in seizing the rights of the citizenry. Rather, the citizenry, infused with fear and blinded by patriotism, will offer up all of their rights unto the leader and gladly so. How do I know? For this is what I have done. And I am Caesar.”
- Julius Caesar

“Ignore the ‘lookout, you will strain yourself’ brigade. Caution never did do big things.”
- Percy Cerutty

“A madman is not the man who has lost his reason. The madman is the man who has lost everything except his reason.”
- G. K. Chesterton

“So far as a man may be proud of a religion rooted in humility, I am very proud of my religion; I am especially proud of those parts of it that are most commonly called superstition. I am proud of being fettered by antiquated dogmas and enslaved by dead creeds (as my journalistic friends repeat with so much pertinacity), for I know very well that it is the heretical creeds that are dead, and that it is only the reasonable dogma that lives long enough to be called antiquated.”
- G. K. Chesterton

“The true way to overcome the evil in class distinctions is not to denounce them as revolutionists denounce them, but to ignore them as children ignore them.”
- G. K. Chesterton

“It is certainly better that [a man] should be conceited about some merits or talents that he does not really posess. For then his vanity remains ... a mere mistake of fact... it does not corrupt or sophisticate his real merits. His truly honourable qualities remain in their primordial innocence; he cannot see them and he cannot spoil them.”
- G. K. Chesterton

“To be smart enough to get all that money you must be dull enough to want it.”
- G. K. Chesterton commenting on the rich.

“I like a man who grins when he fights.”
- Winston Churchill

“Do just once what others say you can't do, and you will never pay attention to their limitations again.”
- Arthur C. Clarke

“Sometimes we attract people who challenge us by telling us that we cannot or should not sing our song in public. Yet these people help us too, for they stimulate us to find greater courage to sing it.”
- Alan Cohen

“Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence.”
- Albert Einstein

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”
- Albert Einstein

“A barefoot life is its own pedicure.”
- James M. Fitzwilliam

“Those who have given themselves the most concern about the happiness of peoples have made their neighbors very miserable.”
- Anatole France

“I stopped and took off the shoes. I thought I heard my feet sigh with relief.”
- Andrew Good

“Indeed in nothing is the power of the Dark Lord more clearly shown than in the estrangement that divides all those who still oppose him.”
- Haldir from the Fellowship of the Ring

“Opinions founded on prejudice are always sustained with the greatest violence.”
- Hebrew Proverb

“A good catchword can stop thought for 50 years.
- Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes

“A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.”
- William James

“Natives who beat drums to drive off evil spirits are objects of scorn to civilized modern motorists who blow horns to break up traffic jams.”
- Mary Ellen Kelly

“The world use to be full of fanatics; now it is full of dull relativists, laid back and mellow, or apathetic like Camus’ *Stranger* or Feiffer’s, Trudeau’s, and the New Yorker’s jaded cartoon characters.”
- Peter Kreeft

“This is why heaven is not escapist: earth is heaven’s womb. Would it be escapism for a fetus to think about birth? Does life after birth make life in the womb any less important? Doesn’t it make it infinitely more important?”
- Peter Kreeft

“...nothing but God is necessary and inevitable and (in that sense) rational. All of creation is overplus, free, extra, superfluous. Everything is an armadillo.
- Peter Kreeft

“One reason I run barefoot is I love the freedom my feet feel during running. No more hot, sweating feet. No more blisters from the shoe rubbing against the skin. The care free attitude of not avoiding puddles or worrying about mud ruining expensive advertisements for Nike.”
- Ralph Kuhn

“Life is something to do when you can’t get to sleep.”
- Fran Lebowitz

“When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up.”
- C. S. Lewis

“Those who urge us to adopt new moralities are only offering us the mutilated or expurgated text of a book which we already possess in the original manuscript.”
- C. S. Lewis

“A sick society must think much about politics, as a sick man must think much about his digestion.”
- C. S. Lewis from The Weight of Glory

“When Catholicism goes bad it becomes the world-old, world-wide religion of amulets and holy places and priest craft; Protestantism, in its corresponding decay, becomes a vague mist of ethical platitudes.”
- C. S. Lewis

“Say your prayers in a garden early, ignoring steadfastly the dew, the birds and the flowers, and you will come away overwhelmed by its freshness and joy; go there in order to be overwhelmed and, after a certain age, nine times out of ten nothing will happen to you.”
- C. S. Lewis in The Four Loves

“Keep clear of psychiatrists unless you know that they are also Christians. Otherwise they start with the assumption that your religion is an illusion and try to ‘cure’ it: and this assumption they make not as professional psychologists but as amateur philosophers.”
- C. S. Lewis

“The whole association of fairy tale and fantasy with childhood is local and accidental. I hope everyone has read Tolkien’s essay on fairy tales, which is perhaps the most important contribution to the subject that anyone has yet made. If so, you will know already that, in most places and times, the fairy tale has not been specially made for, nor exclusively enjoyed by, children. It has gravitated to the nursery when it became unfashionable in literary circles, just as unfashionable furniture gravitated to the nursery in Victorian houses.”
- C. S. Lewis

“If the Divine call does not make us better, it will make us very much worse. Of all bad men religious bad men are the worst. Of all created beings the wickedest is one who originally stood in the immediate presence of God.”
- C. S. Lewis

“Science, when it becomes perfect, will have explained the connection between each link in the chain and the link before it. But the actual existence of the chain will remain wholly unaccountable.”
- C. S. Lewis

“I believe in Christianity as I believe that the Sun has risen not only because I see it but because by it I see everything else.”
- C. S. Lewis

“You could not be right and He wrong any more than a stream can rise higher than its own source.”
- C. S. Lewis

“Of course [healthy] patriotism... is not in the least bit aggressive. It asks only to be let alone. It becomes militant only to protect what it loves. In any mind which has a pennyworth of imagination it produces a good attitude towards foreigners. How can I love my home without coming to realize that other men, no less rightly, love theirs?”
- C. S. Lewis

“In Hamlet a branch breaks and Ophelia is drowned. Did she die because the branch broke or because Shakespeare wanted her to die at that point in the play? Either - both - whichever you please. The alternative suggested by the question is not a real alternative at all - once you have grasped that Shakespeare is making the whole play.”
- C.S. Lewis

“Amidst billowing clouds of fragrant, aromatic, second-hand, premium stogy smoke.”
- Rush Limbaugh

“Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power.”
- Abraham Lincoln

“If a nation values anything more than freedom, it will lose its freedom: and the irony of it is that if it is comfort or money it values more, it will lose that too.”
- W. Somerset Maugham

“A man is most often right in what he affirms and wrong in what he denies.”
- F.D.Maurice

“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.”
- Margaret Mead

“The urge to save humanity is almost always only a false-face for the urge to rule it.”
- H.L. Mencken

“To my embarrassment, I was born in bed with a lady.”
- Wilson Mizner

“One age slides into the next, and an intellectual revolution may be achieved by the expression of ideas that everyone had always professed to accept.”
- Edmund S. Morgan

“His religious principles are so private that he wouldn’t dream of imposing them on anyone, including himself.”
- National Review about Teddy Kennedy

“He that would make his own liberty secure, must guard even his enemy from opposition; for if he violates this duty he establishes a precedent that will reach himself.”
- Thomas Paine

“Truth is so obscure in these times, and falsehood so established, That unless we love the truth we cannot know it.”
- Blaise Pascal

“You can count on government always to do the right thing...after everything else has been tried.”
- Elroy Pettijohn

“The smallest minority on earth is the individual. Those who deny individual rights cannot claim to be defenders of minorities.”
- Ayn Rand

“So I guess I will just keep enjoying my barefoot journeys with a logical sense of where I am on life’s trail. However, occasionally something will engage in my brain and I’ll say, ‘I’ll race ya!’ Doesn’t mean that I am the ‘fastest gun alive’, but what it does mean is that sometimes that child within just wants to play.”
- Rick Roeber

“When I was young, only had two friends, and they were imaginary. And they would only play with each other.”
- Rita Rudner

“It wasn’t that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.”
- Rita Rudner

“I’ve seen a whole bus full of people brighten up when a pleasant-faced child comes on,”
- Karen Santorum

“I often believe that I am an alien sent to search for intelligence on Earth. The search hasn’t been entirely fruitless. I have found a lot of fruit, and many nuts. Still looking for intelligent life.” - Ken Saxton
- Ken “The Barefoot Runner” Saxton

“I like to believe that I have a life outside of work. And if I don’t have a life outside of work, I would at least like the time away from work to have an opportunity for a life, should one come along.” - Ken Saxton
- Ken “The Barefoot Runner” Saxton

“True progress comes from wisdom, from realizing how we are one with nature, not from thoughtless use of technology in futile attempts to seperate ourselves from nature, only to discover that modern life is killing us, if not physically, then spiritually.”
- Ken “The Barefoot Runner” Saxton

“Some folks, who sell shoes or treat the ailments caused by shoes, may say the benifits of going barefoot are a bunch of hype. After all, isn’t the barefoot industry anxiously waiting to make millions and millions of dollars when everyone starts going barefoot?”
- Ken “The Barefoot Runner” Saxton

“Most people don’t like to run barefoot because it forces them to pay attention. In essence the feet yell at us, ‘DON’T RUN LIKE THAT!’ and quite often we misinterpret that to mean, ‘Put on your shoes, so that running like that won’t hurt so much!’”
- Ken “The Barefoot Runner” Saxton

“Have fun, but realize, that ocassionally, even fun can be uncomfortable! (Sometimes, discomfort, with a good sense of humor, IS the adventure)”
- Ken “The Barefoot Runner” Saxton

“Give a man a fish; you have fed him for today. Teach a man to fish; and you have fed him for a lifetime. Teach a man to sell fish and he eats steak.”
- Ken “The Barefoot Runner” Saxton

“I hate treadmills: I didn’t move from northern Michigan to southern California so I could stay indoors!”
- Ken “The Barefoot Runner” Saxton

“My favorite running shoe: I’ll give you some hints; They’ve lasted 46 years, and I hope will last another 100. I got them from my parents on the day I was born. There are prints from their soles on my birth certificate. They were developed over billions of years and tested for millions of years. Most every person has a similar pair.”
- Ken “The Barefoot Runner” Saxton

“I’m always looking for more friends. I’m like a stray dog... If you feed me the right stuff, I’ll follow you home, and it’s difficult to get rid of me. My friends are anyone who tolerate me. But, that doesn’t mean I have to like everything you do or believe either.”
- Ken “The Barefoot Runner” Saxton

“When I write about running, I want to go out and run. Only one way to get over that, see you later... (patter of bare feet fading into distance)”
- Ken “The Barefoot Runner” Saxton

“No shoes, no bunions, no problem.”
- Ken “The Barefoot Runner” Saxton

“Don’t waste your time and energy being too fussy, or try to be pure Vegan. Even cows eat an occasional grasshopper. I eat all sorts of flying insects when I run home. I guess if I wasn’t so happily running barefoot with a big smile, they wouldn’t be able to fly into my mouth. But, that’s just the way it is sometimes.”
- Ken Saxton

“I Love mankind; it’s people I can’t understand.”
- Charles Shultz

“[The individual] intends only his own gain, and he is ... led by an invisible hand to promote an end which was no part of his intention ... By pursuing his own interest he frequently promotes that of the society more effectually than when he really intends to promote it.”
- Adam Smith

“Gentlemen, the time is coming when there will be two great classes, Socialists, and Anarchists. The Anarchists want the government to be nothing, and the Socialists want government to be everything ... Well, the time will come when there will be only these two great parties, the Anarchists representing the laissez faire doctrine and the Socialists representing the extreme view on the other side, and when that time comes, I am an Anarchist.”
- William Graham Sumner

“Naturally the soles of our feet are so made that they become the best instruments for us to stand upon the earth and to walk with. From the day we commenced to wear shoes we minimized the purpose of our feet. With the lessening of their responsibility they have lost their dignity, and now they lend themselves to be pampered with socks, slippers and shoes of all prices and shapes and misproportions. For us it amounts to a grievance against God for not giving us hooves instead of beautifully sensitive soles.”
- Rabindranath Tagore

“The correct word for this approach is not "privatizing" but "contracting out," that is, have the private sector do efficiently what the government is doing inefficiently. But why should we want to do that? Government waste and inefficiency is troubling, but, even so, it is often a saving grace. If government worked as well as the private sector, we would be doomed. Who needs bad law enforced with new vigor?”
- Jeffrey Tucker from “Privatize the Welfare State?”

“A woman is only a woman, but a cigar-smoking woman is a star.”
- Emmett Tyrrell

“There is no week nor day nor hour when tyranny may not enter upon this country, if the people lose their roughness and spirit of defiance.”
- Walt Whitman

“Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.”
- Oscar Wilde

“Imagination is a quality given a man to compensate him for what he is not, and a sense of humor was provided to console him for what he is.”
- Oscar Wilde

“The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything and the young know everything.”
- Oscar Wilde

“My dad was the town drunk. Usually that’s not so bad, but New York City?”
- Henny Youngman

“What good is happiness? It can’t buy money.”
- Henny Youngman

Quotes by me

Billy and billygard.com assume no liability, express or implied, for the effects of full tort reform.

I cannot believe in reincarnation, because in my past life as C. S. Lewis I didn’t believe in reincarnation, and I see no reason to revise my thinking on it now.

“No shoes, no bunions, no podiatric service.”

They left me in the air about whether the new millenium starts in 2000 or in 2001, so I celebrated for a whole year.

I’m a heterocrat: I make a point of getting everyone of every persuasion to think me an extremist on the opposite side. It’s easier than knocking heads together and achieves about the same effect.

Yes George Burns says he smokes a good cigar now and then. It’s the crummy ones he smokes the rest of the time that concern me.

May your swords be turned into plowshares, and your guillotines into cigar cutters.

The only way to prove your machismo is to do something daring, foolhearty, and utterly rebellious, so I listen to Barry Manilow.

Cleanliness is next to godliness, if you mean dusting off the Bible.

Nasal hairs are a strictly negative feature and serve no good purpose whatsoever, but it does hurt like hell to pull them out.

Thus continues the bewilderment of those who still think play and relaxation are two different things, who forbid themselves the first and wonder why they can’t achieve the second.

The basics of good eating were known through the ages. Eat about a 3:4 balance of protein and carbohydrate in a good dining atmosphere. Here, then, is why we have a butcher, a baker, and a candlestick maker.

The easiest way by far to cure yourself of obstinate bad habits is to try to fix them in other people, whether their posession of it is real or imagined.

I step outside for some fresh air, the latter to mean the absence of anyone asking me to extinguish my cigar.

Legalistic Christianity is considered by the world to be pitiful; liberated Christianity is considered dangerous.

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