Billy's Wacky Dictionary of Music

music major
A music connoisseur.
music minor
A person who appreciates music as a hobby.
music augmented
A musical snob, exclusivist or highbrow.
music half-diminished
One who is casual about their interest in music.
music full-diminished
One who does not appreciate music.
bari bashing
in barbershop, picking on baritones; in gen. pop music, picking on Barry Manilow.
tritone
An attempt at a perfect fifth.
note
A perfect first.
seventh cord
What you buy for your stereo after your cat chewed the first six.
power chord
A tag ending used by barbershop choruses to blow down the back wall.
Handel bars
Marks off measures in the Messiah.
muzashion
An performer for elevator passengers.
fermata
A brooding one-eyed bird you just gotta stop to look at.
Tristan & Isolde
What Gramps said when his elm tree blew over.
ninth cord
The one that finally killed the cat.
sax & violins
Why Lawrence Welk was banned from TV.
contra-balloon
A large balloon that sounds an octave lower when letting the air out, generally inflated with a vacuum cleaner,
contra-babboon
Someone who thinks the Rite of Spring opens with an oboe.
conductor
A man who sticks his baton in a light socket.
barbershop cord
Something used to plug in a razor.
tenuto
A phrase consisting of one note.
starving musician
Someone who cannot buy food without a Chopin Liszt.
extension chord
The last chord in a tag, can be as long as 5 measures.
dominant gene
A gene found in many barbershoppers, causing a strange addiction to the major-minor 7th chord.
threeba
A contemporary brass instrument that sounds a fifth lower than a tuba.
piccolo
A bass dog whistle.
diphthong
A vowel movement.
dipthong
A bikini.
bisectional
Somone who can sing more than one part.
moveable clef
A special-needs clef invented hundreds of years ago to accommodate those who couldn't stay in key.
concertino
An accoustic synthesizer.
de capo
[ < It., lit., off with your head], an old Italian expletive meaning “Now I've got to start all over”, uttered when their music performance was interrupted.
accelerando
[ < It., accelerate], step on the piano's accelerator pedal (see also
clutciando,
brakando)
cross relation
An augmented first.
Muzak
p.t. music.

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