The Washington Post recently published a contest for readers in which they were asked to supply alternate meanings for various words. The following were some of the winning entries.

abdicate
to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
abnormal
physiol. The line extending directly out from the belly button.
balderdash
a rapidly receding hairline.
carcinoma
a valley in California, notable for its heavy smog.
circumvent
the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
coffee
a person who is coughed upon.
esplanade
to attempt an explanation while drunk.
flabbergasted
appalled over how much weight you have gained.
flatulence
the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
gargoyle
an olive-flavored mouthwash.
lymph
to walk with a lisp.
marionettes
residents of Washington, DC who have been jerked around by the mayor.
negligent
describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
oyster
a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
philology
The study of friendship or attraction.
rectitude
the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
semantics
pranks conducted by young men studying for the priesthood, including such things as gluing the pages of the priest's prayer book together just before vespers.
testicle
a humorous question on an exam.
willy-nilly
impotent.

Additions of My Own.

catarchy
rule by a rigid dicatorship (ant. anarchy).
catholic
a person who keeps a large number of cats in his home, presumably a sign of addiction.
cat-scan
the bobbing up-and-down of a cat's head as he checks you out.
pediatrician
sorrow for sin by someone below the age of accountability.
playground
artificial turf.
podiatrist
a doctor who analyses the minds of barefooted persons.

THE WASHINGTON POST'S STYLE INVITATIONAL also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are some recent winners.

bustard
a very rude Metrobus driver.
dopeler effect
The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
foreploy
Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of obtaining sex.
Frisbytarianism
The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
giraffiti
Vandalism spray-painted very high.
glibido
All talk and no action.
inoculatte
To take coffee intravenously.
intaxication
Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. (people get refunds?)
karmageddon
It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes an it's like a serious bummer.
osteopornosis
A degenerate disease.
reintarnation
Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
sarchasm
The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the reader who doesn't get it.

This addition of my own required a two letter addition.

plannular eclipse
The momentary blocking out of the sun when a jet flies directly in front of it.

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