Billy's Wacky

Diets

The Blackmail Diet
The Sawtooth Diet
The Move-Your-Butt Program
The Unpalatable Diet
The Trickle-down Diet The Bicycle Diet

The Blackmail Diet

Not all fat people overeat. In many cases the body thinks it is supposed to be that weight and therefore maintains it. Whether it be because of heredity, inactivity, or the body's just being used to weighing a lot isn't the important thing. It is that you may force down that setpoint weight your body “fights” to maintain.

You first concentrate on losing the weight as soon as possible, for as long as you are over the ideal weight, this is all that matters. It is only after you reach your new weight that you are to concentrate on getting your body to “agree” with your new weight, how much you can eat and stay thin, and how much of your weight is fat and how much is lean. For now, choose your weight and stop eating until you reach it.

When you get there, all the way, you carefully figure out how much food you must eat to maintain this weight and eat that much daily, not allowing your weight to go one pound over this ideal. If the weight ever exceeds the ideal, don't eat. This is the method Dick Clark uses to stay thin.

Gaining weight is or course impossible with a policy like this, but this is not the main point of the diet. You have at this point taken care of your weight problem, but you have replaced it with a nutrition problem. For maintaining a weight below your setpoint requires you to undereat.

Until now, the body has kept itself fattened up just to assure its continued supply of calories even when you don't feed it. But at some point your body must adjust to the fact that it gets fed only while below a certain weight, just to get its food its chemistry will adjust itself to hold this new weight with increasing amounts of food. Showing your body who's boss has forced down the setpoint weight Dick Clark style, by just not eating whenever you exceed your desired weight.

The Saw-tooth diet

Too often you hear that if you cut 500 calories from your daily diet you will lose a pound in 7 days, as a pound of fat has 3500 calories. This beautifully simple arithmetic plan should work, provided your metabolism stays exactly the same the whole time. But your metabolism changes when you diet, so the logical amount of weight isn't lost. If this weren't the case, many people today would weigh -500 pounds.

This diet acts on the body's adaptive principle and tricks it into burning more calories rather than storing them. Here timing is of the essence both in eating and in exercise. If you are overweight but not overeating it's because your body's metabolism is running too low and needs stimulated.

To start the diet just eat “normally” for 3 weeks. If you weight less, you have been overeating, but if you weight more, the following is for you.

Now step up your calorie intake each day for 3 weeks, starting at your present level. This may not sound like the logical way to begin a weight loss diet, but the point here is to work on your body's metabolism.

At the end of this period you should be eating a lot, and you will weight some more too, but keep your shirt on. At this point immediately return your calorie intake back to normal. A whole bunch of weight should come off now. Now repeat this pattern every 3 weeks until you are at your ideal weight.

The slow calorie increase gives your metabolism a chance to keep up with it, so your weight gain isn't very much. The sudden decrease gives your weight a chance to plunge before the metabolism has a chance to do down to “catch” it. Since you are “pumping” your metabolism up as well as your weight down, you will have to eat more to maintain your ideal weight than you did when you were fat.

Not how your only variations from normal eating is to eat more, which makes it different from other diets. The normal complaint is that diets restrict your eating, but on this diet the complaint is that you can't eat all the food it requires! You could keep this “saw-tooth” pattern up until your metabolism is blazing, and you won't be able to eat enough to maintain even an ideal weight, so you will become wirey thin.

But you know very well you'd love to have that problem, wouldn't you?

Now that we tackled the trap of creating a dependency on increasing amounts of semi-starvation to maintain the same weight loss, nobody seems to notice the obvious danger of creating a similar dependency on increasing amounts of exercise to have the same effect. Therefore we have an exercise componenet in the sawtooth program as well.

During your 3-week periods of stepping up your eating, step down your exercise level each day, and when you return to normal eating, also return to normal exercising. You are then training your metabolism to require less exercise to keep it blazing away.

The Move-your-butt Program

I think I know what the problem is with trying to diet off weight: When you eat like a bird you move like a koala bear, and with a pace like that, your body assumes it's okay to be fat. The only way to get the weight off is to switch to a life style that makes fat inconvenient so the body has to get rid of it.

You got it, I mean exercise.

Pick an activity that throws your weight around, like running, jumping and tumbling, anything that makes that fat conscpicuous by its presence. This makes your body aware of the fat so it will shed it on demand.

America's choices of exercise has guaranteed that its weight problem will just continue. The presence of fat is no obstacle to stationary cycling, so that is neutral as a weight loss method. Swimming may actually be easier for fat people, so may actually make it harder to lose weight. Make sure it isn't your only activity.

When you have looked up and down at what really makes it really hard for the fat to hang on, you will find it is the running, rolling, skipping and hopping kind of play that children do that protects you from the dangerous blobs of fat. Now the plumpness of adults isn't so mysterious is it?

The only reason your body is not letting go of your fat now is because you haven't given the fat any good reason to get off.

The Unpalatable Diet

This seems like a redundant title, for who ever heard of a palatable one? But this will tell you the real secret as to how thin people stay thin. First let's introduce the calorie. This is the international unit of measurement of how good a food tastes. It is well known that when people go on a diet limited to carrots, celery and diet Squirt, they lose weight. In fact they can stuff themselves with these and they still lose weight, but when they help themselves to even a small sliver of chocolate cake they put on 5 pounds instantly.

The real stumbling block is that the thinnest people are those who eat seven humungous meat & potato meals every day, snack on cake and ice cream between meals, and wash it down with 12 beers before bed. This is of course their idea of how to put on weight, which they want.

From all this, there is one conclusion you can draw. Only food you are hungry for puts on weight.

The one thing that the strict dieter and the thin overeater have in common is that they are both eating what they are not hungry for. In the dieter's case, he is staying on carrots, celery and diet squirt, which nobody can be hungry for, and therefore they have no calories. In the overeater's case, he keeps himself so full he is hungry for nothing, and therefore nothing has calories for him.

The fattest people are those who diet and then cheat slightly. Nothing tastes better then a piece of cake in the middle of a diet, so nothing could have more calories then cake at that moment. So the dieter gets the idea that if he were to begin eating goodies all the time, he'd naturally weigh a ton!

But it doesn't work that way, for if he eats them all the time they don't taste as good and therefore they have way less calories. Believe it or not, even distilled water will make you fat if you wait until you are deathly thirsty to drink it. So the only way to stay thin is to eat only foods that you never could be hungry for.

Or eat so much you are never hungry for anything.

The Trickle-down diet

This diet is to kill the tradition that eating less makes you thin. Talk to thin people and see if one of them keeps himself that way by eating “lightly”. Invariably he will tell you he is eating like a horse because he wants to put on weight. And look for one fat person who got that way by overeating. Invariably these turn out to be the only “light eaters” there are, because they think that will make them thin.

So both thin and fat people are merely proving the simple fact that the secret of thinness is to eat all you can.

If you overeat you get so full you unconsciously cut back at times, and then you lose weight since your body is adjusted to your high intake. If you undereat you get so hungry you unconsciously eat more at times, and then you gain weight since your body is adjusted to your low intake.

It is based on the principle that your body attunes its caloric needs to match the amount you eat the majority of the time. So it isn't the amount you eat but rather the brief variations from this norm that make the difference in your weight. And in the case of the overeater they are bound to be downward, which is what you want.

One well-known application of this principle is the Rotation Diet.

Now you will gain weight when you begin your overeating, and that will begin to level off as your body adjusts to the new intake level, but remember you'll cut back without even noticing it, and it is at those times that your pounds just drop off.

When you are at your desired weight, you can begin to ease down to the most comfortable food intake and stay there. Of course you will lose more weight, but really, does that worry you?

If your weight starts to drift you can always kick it back into place by briefly altering your calorie intake.

The Bicycle Diet

Now don't think this is a treatise on losing weight by burning off calories on a bicycle-riding regimen. On the contrary I want to use the mechanics of the bicycle to illustrate a sort of principle of double psychology. I first got the idea from a motorcycle handbook where it described how to steer. The first step in turning right is to begin turning the handlebar to the left. If anyone has ever ridden two wheels you may remember that this is exactly what you do. Turning the wheel to the left causes the bike to immediately lean to the right. When it does, the gyroscopy of the wheel will make it turn right as well until you are turning at a degree that corresponds to the lean.

Here is the key to getting your body to cooperate with attempts to let go of its fat. Instead of fighting against your increasingly voracious appetite, begin by increasing the amount of food you eat, past the point of satisfaction. Your body will pretty quickly request a cutting down of the food intake, and as it does that you quietly comply. You are in effect shortcircuiting the famine response and making the body feel safer in moderating the amount of food it craves.

The similarity of dieting with riding a bike is especially amusing if you hear someone complaining, “My bicycle doesn't seem to want to turn right. As soon as I turn my handlebar right my bike leans left and I end up going left instead. My bicycle must have left genes.”

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