A cockroach will live nine days without its head, before it starves to death.
... Just enough time to collect its rent money.
A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
A snail can sleep for three years.
All Polar bears are left-handed.
1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321.
... In fact, any number of n 1's squared = 123...n...321.
American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.
Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.
... I only eat half an acre - what exaggerators.
An ostrichs eye is bigger than its brain.
. . . Well mine is bigger than my stomach anyway.
Babies are born without knee caps. They dont appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.
. . . The age of accountability is when you can threaten to break them.
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
. . . At last I have found a way to have my cakes and ales.
Butterflies taste with their feet.
. . . So do humans, but how would we ever know???
Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, dogs only have about ten.
Cats urine glows under a black light.
. . . Thats why my parents home just blazes under black light.
China has more English speakers than the United States.
Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesnt wear pants.
. . . And also in Seattle because he doesnt wear shoes.
Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.
Elephants are the only animals that cant jump.
. . . Is that a life worth banning pianos to save?
Every time you lick a stamp, youre consuming 1/10 of a calorie.
. . . New: Lick Yourself Thin, by Billy Gard.
February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
... Wow, the one month of my childhood I didnt get spanked.
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
I am is the shortest complete sentence in the English language
... Then I do must be the longest sentence.
If Barbie were life-size, her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would stand seven feet, two inches tall and have a neck twice the length of a normal humans neck.
If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
. . . Shouldn t I be able to sell this power to Seattle City Light.
If you keep a goldfish in a dark room, it will eventually turn white.
. . . Hey, I found this white stone under ground. Its gold I tell you.
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
. . . I knew coffee is addictive but this is ridiculous.
In ancient Egypt, priests plucked EVERY hair from their bodies, including their eyebrows and eyelashes.
In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
. . . So our LORD saw kitty cats.
Its impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
. . . Now if only I could get my mother to keep her eyes open.
Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.
. . . Necessity is the mother of invention.
Marilyn Monroe had six toes.
. . . Total or per foot?
Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.
More people are killed by donkeys annually than are killed in plane crashes.
. . . Then why doesnt riding on a donkey strenghen my prayer life?
No word in the English language rhymes with month.
Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.
On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.
One of the reasons marijuana is illegal today is because cotton growers in the 30s lobbied against hemp farmers, they saw it as competition.
. . . That cotton-pickin laws gotta go.
Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.
. . . That person is Bob: he swims in the winter, goes barefoot a lot and smokes ten cigars a day.
Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
. . . Now thats just sad.
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do.
. . . Polar Bears compensate for that by jumping in cold water a lot.
Shakespeare invented the words assassination and bump.
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
Starfish havent got brains.
Stewardess is the longest word typed with only the left hand.
. . . stewardesses
The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
. . . a new meaning to the microbrew.
The average human eats eight spiders in their lifetime at night.
. . . Dont tell that to those who fear spiders more than they do death.
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
. . . Can there be that much to taste on the bottom of the lake?
The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth 2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.
The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the males head off.
The most common name in the world is Mohammed.
The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with.
. . . Atlantis is alive and well, but was banned from the map for spoiling this great symmetry.
The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan.
The Pentagon, in Arlington, Virginia, has twice as many bathrooms as is necessary. When it was built in the 1940s, the state of Virginia still had segregation laws requiring separate toilet facilities for blacks and whites.
The sentence, The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog uses every letter in the alphabet.
The shortest war in history was between Zanzibar and England in 1896. Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes.
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
. . . Ive always known the value of exercise.
The word lethologica describes the state of not being able to remember the word you want.
The word racecar and kayak are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left.
. . . No wonder I cant tell which end of a kayak is which.
There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.
. . . Half of them are still in Delaware.
TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters on only one row of the keyboard.
. . . Maybe the designer of the QWERTY board had that in mind.
Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
You are more likely to be killed by a Champagne cork than by a poisonous spider.
. . . If a cork can only kill you, remember - thats still better than a spider.
You cant kill yourself by holding your breath.
You share your birthday with at least nine million other people in the world.
. . . That explains the crowd at the Old Spaghetti Factory.
Greyhound doesn't allow dogs on the bus.
There is enough iron in the human body to make a small nail.
additions by me
The term synesis refers to grammatic license based on the meaning rather than on the strict construct, such as All the congregation were...
The word metonym refers to substitution of an associated word, such as The White House has declared...
Doubling the frequency of a pitch raises it an octave.
A dogs mouth is cleaner than a humans.
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